I'm Monitoring Everything You Do

Folks, I have exposed several companies now for spying on you - Target being the most recent one revealed. Today, I plan to expose another invasion of your privacy...your very own smart phone. Thanks to Trevor Eckhart, we now know that a company called Carrier IQ has been secretly recording all your text messages, all your phone calls, every Google search, and every Facebook update you have ever made from your cell phone. If your phone usage is anything like mine then that is a lot of porn to sift through!
Carrier IQ describes itself on it's website as "the world's leading provider of Mobile Service Intelligence solutions." This is just their way of saying "We are the peeping Toms of the digital age."
Carrier IQ is pre-installed on many mobile devices, notably the iPhone, because companies want to extort you for money later - "don't want the wife to see the messages to the boyfriend, well you better sign up for a three year contract at double your current premiums Mark."
Like the viruses you catch from the girls solicited on 10th street, Carrier IQ infects you and is almost impossible to get rid of!
After Eckhart exposed the company on YouTube, Carrier IQ threatened a lawsuit against him - which caused a privacy watchdog group to jump to his defense! This made Carrier IQ nervous so they dropped their threats...and merely grumbled in a corner, hoping no one would notice any of this commotion.
But once this hit the web...there was no stopping the train-wreck to follow. That's because Eckhart not only implicated the iPhone and the Droid, but he also called out Nokia and Blackberry. It seems the only phones that don't have Carrier IQ on them are the ones attached by a piece of string!
People threatened to burn down the house over this secret app that was recording everything they did and sending it to someone else. So phone carriers did the only thing they could do - they threw Carrier IQ and Apple under the bus!
Verizon came forward claiming, "Any report that Verizon Wireless uses Carrier IQ is patently false." This is probably because moments before issuing a statement, every Droid phone under their banner had a system update that deleted the program. Mines updating right now!
Apple has come forward to say "While we currently have CIQ (Carrier IQ) on every product we offer dating from iOS 3 to the current iOS 5, we don't look at the data it collects and will one day erase the program from our future devices."
While most phone makers denied allowing Carrier IQ, Verizon was the only provider that claimed to have no affiliation with them! AT&T, Sprint, and T-Mobile all alluded to using the service - they claimed that they used the data to help offer better services and register dead zones. That's because Carrier IQ also logs your exact GPS location! Maybe South Park got it right about Carrier IQ, when they pointed out "it's the best way to know where everyone on Earth is at any given moment."
I'm thinking this is the real way those text message fails make it to the Internet!
Al Franken, possibly worried that some of his phone habits could be leaked, threatened to propose legislation to protect the privacy of the mobile phone users.
I say, "who needs privacy?" After all, these corporations believe that when you posted that pic of you making out with your sister on Facebook,  you gave up your right to it...