Objects On My Car's Television Are Closer Than They Appear

Folks, federal regulators are getting ready to lay down the law on car makers - by making them look at where they have been!

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is expected to make an announcement concerning the installation of rear view cameras and monitors in every new car in America. See, the government thinks texting while driving is bad, but watching TV while driving is necessary. I wonder if they can pick up the History Channel?
I think legislation to make backing up more safe is necessary when you see these statistics: 224 people die each year from cars backing up and roughly 17,000 people are injured in this manner. Those are big numbers, especially when you compare them to the number of people that die from Staph infection - a mere meager 19,000 people in 2005 alone! Oh and also in 2005, only 94,000 people contracted the disease...so it's obvious that we should go after the car makers rather than attack McDonald's like Erin Jordan has done!
I mean overall, the people that die from walking behind cars as they back up can be attributed to natural selection. It's like those guys that put their fork in the toaster to retrieve the bread. And we all know, that it is in the government's  best interest to keep the stupid alive. This way they keep paying taxes.
Proponents for the measure claim it will only cost the automakers roughly $220. This translates to about five grand for cash strapped customers - try stretching your refund check farther now!

Clarence Ditlow, executive director of the Center for Auto Safety in Washington, had this to say "We haven't done anything else to protect pedestrians. This is one thing we can do and should do." That's right! Rather than testing people's driving skills, enforcing existing legislation, or give pedestrians spike plates to get the last laugh on the asshole that hit them, this is the ONE thing they could do!

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has been spending months planning out this measure, which makes me wonder "if this is the best you guys can come up with, why do you even exist?"
Don't cars already have rear view mirrors? If the guy backing up the car can't use those, what help is a built in TV monitor...I'll bet those TV's get jailbroken within twenty-four hours by a fourteen-year-old that wants to watch porn.
Personally I would like cameras on the side of the cars so that those jackasses that merge without looking can see me flipping them off! Or perhaps build in kill switches that use some kind of ON-Star type technology to be carried by cyclists to prevent them from being run over by people who can see them!
On the other hand, having a camera to watch where you have been could be awesome. Especially if the person behind you is hot. Then it doesn't matter where you are going, because after you rear end the car in front of you, and the hottie rear ends you - you can ask her out!

And Parent Of The Month Goes To...

Readers, how many of you have been completely shit faced? I am talking about being so drunk that you shouldn't be within a mile of a motor vehicle. And of those that know what I am talking about, how many of you are supposed to be driving from Mississippi to Dallas, Texas? And is your reason for doing this to transport your two small children to another guardian? And did you (out of fear of being late) think it would be a good idea to let your 8 year old son drive while you slept in the passenger seat?
If you answered yes to all of these questions...Congratulations: You are Billie Joe Madden!
This past Saturday, officers pulled over a pick-up truck that was driving erratically on Interstate 12 near the town of Holden, Louisiana. State Police found Mr. Madden asleep in the passenger side of the truck while his 8 year old son drove and his 4 year old daughter slept in the back of the cab.
When questioned Mr Madden allegedly told Louisiana State Patrol Officers that he was sure his son was older, but was just short for his age. He was arrested for child desertion, allowing a minor to drive and seat belt and car seat violations. Although, in Mr Maddens defense..he didn't technically desert his kids, he was asleep next to them the whole time!
This isn't the first case of amazing parenting though! Back in November of last year a 35 year old woman from Nevada was arrested for letting her 12 year old drive. She had been out partying for 2 days and took her young child with her. Then like any responsible parent said "Screw cabs, you need to learn how to drive anyway so here are the keys!"
In February of this year an English childcare worker has been banned from working with children for three years after he bought a 15 year old a drink and had the boy play chauffeur. George Gillion, a 53 year old man from Glasgow, bought drinks for two young boys and discussed things of a sexual nature with them as they drove him about the city of Irvine. The best thing they could have done was temporarily removed him from working with young boys. I am sure after the three years are up, he will use boys that are at least 16 for the role of "Drunken Taxicab Driver."
On the other hand...back in 2007 an 11 year old girl was arrested and charged with DUI after leading police on 8-mile chase that ended with her flipping the car she was driving. The chase got over speeds of 100 mph and began around 10:30PM that night when the unnamed little girl went to pick up her sister from a concert. The young felon had apparently borrowed the car from relatives and took it on herself to grab her sister.
The parents in this case were considered victims for not knowing that there young daughter took their car and went on a binge drinking spree while trying to find the concert her sister was attending.