Game Called Because We Miscounted

Folks, you all know my thoughts on sports. And everyone knows that I believe that soccer is only worth watching if you can't sleep because it is more effective than Ambien and won't cause you to wake up in bed with a stranger in a town you drove to but can't remember how.
But oddly enough there are many people that actually enjoy watching soccer and some even look forward to playing it. Which makes this story all the more tragic. The girl's soccer team of Holland High School in western New York has been banned from playing any post season games. This banishment is obviously merited correct? I mean why would they otherwise not let a team that went 15 - 2 play in the finals?
Surely some of the girls got caught breaking the law. They must have been participating in underage drinking, drug use, orgies, anything like that right? At the very least some of the girls must have been suspended or disciplined for cheating or maybe using some form of performance enhancing drugs? Or maybe the school racked up too many penalties on the field while they were winning those 15 games?
As it turns out, nothing even remotely close to that happened. Which is too bad because then I may take an interest in watching a sport that produces such "bad girls." They didn't even earn a single yellow flag or card or pixie or whatever soccer uses as a penalty notifier their entire season!!! No the unforgivable crime these girls committed was they played 17 games in their regular season.
According to state rules, no team can play more than 16 games in their season, if they play more they will be disqualified. This measure was created two years ago solely to save the state money.
So, basically a group of girls that made it to regional's last year and stands a big chance of winning state this year, played fair and by the rules every game, maintains the grades and proper behaviors set forth by school guidelines, is deemed ineligible to play because the school miscounted how many games they had set up?
When it was appealed, they were denied to play as well.
I think state officials must have money riding on this game. And the little high school from Western New York poses too much a threat to their odds. Or maybe their former Alma Maters have a shot at winning and they don't want to see an upset. Or maybe some people in the area of Holland, NY, are taking part in the occupy Wall Street movement. And the government that has been harassing and penalizing people for voicing their outrage at having been robbed is now attacking these poor hard working people by attacking a group of high school athletes.
Maybe the town of Holland should organize an occupy soccer movement and protest the regional and state finals. I, for one, would love to travel to the state and carry a sign expressing outrage for the injustice done to these young women.
In a world that claims that young people don't know how to stay out of trouble, why punish those that jumped through every hoop we laid out in front of them? Shouldn't instead just remove the results of one of their games instead? Declare their 17th game invalid and strike that from their record and - bam! - problem solved! This would change their record to either 14 - 2 or 15 -1 and either way that is still a formidable score!
So Reader's join the protest on Facebook here and support these young women! And New York, I am calling you out for possible corruption by denying these girls their chance to shine in the sport that they love!

I Socked It To Them And It Was Electric

Americans...you only won the womens world cup match against North Korea for one reason and one reason only...The North Koreans had all been struck by lightening right before the game.
This is the claim of the manager of the team from the NK, Kim. Kim says "It is a testament to their will, that they could play at all" going on to say, I dare you to be struck by lightening and then play soccer you Lazy Ass Americans.
Readers, I must admit I know absolutely nothing about the game of soccer  other than it is what I turn on when I need a nap. Watching sheep run up and down a green field and doing absolutely nothing is so peaceful, it puts me right to sleep. I am being told that those aren't sheep, they are in fact people and apparently they are trying to kick a ball into a net or something and I am still falling asleep.
See, I think this lightening thing has merits. After all, the few times I have watched sports, if an American athlete gets hurt, they sit it on the bench for at least a few games. These NK girls (or maybe they are just really small guys...its really hard to tell in some of the pictures) just got zapped and said bring it. Sure they lost, but they have much bigger balls than we do.
I think adding a zapping challenge may even help make soccer fun to watch. I say put a giant tesla coil in the center of the field and randomly electrocute players as they attempt to make shots. Also, find out if that 350lb woman playing goalie is faster than a bolt of lightening by sending a few sparks her way.
The NK may have finally figured out away to make Americans watch this sport. The only people in America that watch soccer are children, those with low functioning mental attributes, those that play soccer themselves and the easily amused.
By adding a "Lightening Round" or a "Sparky Playbook", more people may turn away from football and watch. Better yet, let players carry cattle prods, its not like you get to use your hands in this game anyways.
America, I have found the solution to your hatred to what the rest of world wants to call football. Randomly electrocute the players!