Seeking Answers The Only Way I Can

Whenever I have major life changing decisions to make, I turn to the only reliable source I have. My Magic 8-ball. Whether I am deciding what to eat for dinner or whether to blow up my ex-girlfriends car, I find it's advice invaluable.
So, I decided to create a list of opportune times to use your Magic 8-ball. Like when trying to decide when and where to go to college.  Mine kept saying ask again later, and finally by the time I was in my 20s said it was okay for me to go.
I once purchased a car that had no working engine because the Magic 8-ball told me that was the perfect vehicle for me. And, I must say it was a Godsend. Having that rusty Chevy sitting on blocks in my front yard kept the neighbors from bugging me. It also ensured I didn't date much, so it saved me a ton of money.
I once took a vacation to Omaha Nebraska on the advice of a Magic 8-ball.  The flight cost me around 300 bucks. I stayed in a Motel 6 and ate Dominos pizza. While there, I got to see such attractions as the World's Largest Corn Cob Structure. My friends all went to Cozumel that year, they have no idea of the fun they missed out on!
I proposed to a waitress at a Cracker Barrel on the advice of one, instead of my girlfriend at the time.
And those are just a few of my experiences. So, now I'm thinking: What if the rest of the world used these things to make all our decisions for us? After all, they are cheaper than a psychic.
From dieting to voting, these things could steer us all in the right direction.
Like that new guy running for Senator, maybe the reply will be hazy when you ask the 8-ball...it may want you to vote for Bill the Janitor instead.
Or maybe your trying to decide where your significant other should take you for your birthday: that Ritzy little place by the beach or Mickey D's...you may be surprised which is best for you.
And guys how about when wondering to spend that 3 grand on her engagement ring or a new entertainment center?
You can even use it to decide who to date.
After all, our government already uses it to determine such issues as the economy and worldly relations.