Tweeting Up A New Justification

#Twitter, how I <3 you!
Yes folks, though I am embarrassed to admit it, I am a tweeter. And I have been for a while now. So this is my coming out party. I regularly use Twitter.
I know. I know. It can lead to other social applications like TwitPic or FourSquare. And yes, I'll admit I've dabbled with the former as well, but dammit I was born like this. It's not like I can choose to not use it. It's part of who I am.
In my time in tweetle deetle land, I have discovered there are 4 basic types of Tweeters.
The first is the voyeur. These are the ones that cyber stalk their favorite celebrities, shows, hobbies & personalities. This is the rank that I started in. This group bands together with others of similar stalking preferences and discusses the oatmeal that the chick from Ally McBeal had yesterday with her boyfriend/husband/I can't keep up Harrison Ford. They often RT (re-tweet for the ones unfamiliar with that acronym...I used to think it meant Righteous Thinking) every detail the object of their obsession tweets.
The second group are the Updaters. They tell every minuscule detail of their day. From getting on the subway to the color of their bowel movements, you will hear it all! They will tell you what they ate for breakfast (or who in some cases), why yellow makes them sad, and the reasons their dog prefers their roommate. 
The third group are the promoters. These Tweeters promote themselves, a product, a website (usually porn), someone else, or Spam. Yes Spam the meat like stuff in a can. They will tell you why you can't live without their new book "Tweeting It Up: How Twitter Made Me Rich" or how you can't live without the new yogurt from Mickey D's. They will tell you every 15 Mins, how you won't find a cheaper plasma TV anywhere else. Or why The Beverly Hillbillies shouldn't have been canceled. Or how they are the most awesome person alive.
The final group of Tweeters makes use of all three of the previous groups methods. It is in this group that most eventually end up. We tweet away about anything and everything from celeb stalking to self promotion to product placement to garden gnomes. And we do this all because...we are lonely.
See, social applications (like Twitter and Facebook) offer a chance for us to connect with others and share parts of ourselves we can't normally. The reasons we can't are varied; from potentially  embarrassing like having a crush to worthy of lynching like that guy I wrote about who f***s dolphins. You can't always say how you feel and sometimes you just want to be heard.
So go out there and tweet it up! Use it to make new friends with common interests, share a bit about yourself or just to watch. (I just need some popcorn, a lawn chair, and video recorder - that's the gift that keeps on giving!)
Just make sure you follow me @TragicCurse and we can talk about #SympathyForTheDevil while watching #TheVampireDiaries on #CW.